To Catch a Butterfly Read online

  Adam and Stevie sat talking quietly, holding hands, Elizabeth had joined Beth and Peter in the kitchen and was keeping herself busy making tea.

  “Do we know what happened?” Peter kept his voice down.

  “Yes, apparently, he..” Elizabeth fought to keep her voice steady, she put her head around the kitchen door and was satisfied that the children couldn’t hear. “Will fell through the roof of one of the buildings they were renovating.” She took a sip of her tea and wished she had slipped a whisky into it.

  “Is there someone we should call, family I mean?” Beth sat at the kitchen table.

  “Marie’s parents live on the island, but I don’t know their number or anything.” Elizabeth closed her eyes and rubbed her temples.

  “What about Will’s family?” Peter could see Elizabeth was exhausted.

  “I think they’re away on holiday in Devon I’m not sure, I’m sorry, I’m just so tired, I can’t think straight.” Elizabeth pulled a chair up and sat opposite Beth.

  “Maybe we should wait until the morning, Marie will call who she needs to?” Beth squeezed Elizabeth’s hand across the table.

  The three of them sat in silence for a moment, they could just hear Stevie and Adam talking, but couldn’t make out what they were saying , every now and then they could hear Stevie crying quietly and then it would go quiet as Adam comforted her.

  “Do you think Stevie will be alright here with Marie?” Elizabeth’s question made Beth look up at her.

  “What do you mean?” Elizabeth ran her finger around the handle of her mug.

  “Mum?” No one had noticed Adam suddenly appear in the doorway.

  “Yes darling?” Beth had turned in her seat and gently rubbed the back of her hand over his cheek.

  “Can Stevie and I have a drink please?” Adam blinked and leant against the door frame, returning Elizabeth’s smile.

  “Yes of course, I’ll bring you some juice in, are you two alright in there?” Beth pushed her chair back and stood up.

  “Yeah.” Adam nodded and walked back into the front room.

  “He’s a lovely little boy, you must be so proud of him, he’s so grown up.” Elizabeth stared at the door way as if Adam was still standing there. “He’s got your eyes Peter.” Elizabeth didn’t notice the look that passed between Peter and Beth. The fact was that so many people had said the same thing, “He looks like his dad doesn’t he?” “Beth, he’s got your skin.” “He’s got Peter’s smile.” They had got used to it by now and had mastered the polite smile, the nod in agreement and the swift but ever subtle changing of the subject.

  “He’s a great kid, he really is.” Peter nodded, smiled and watched Beth carry two glasses of blackcurrant juice into the other room.

  “Are they ok?” Peter filled the kettle with water and collected the mugs from the table “Another one?”

  “Yes please.” She nodded.

  Beth flopped into her chair, “Yeah, they’re ok, they must be knackered though.” She checked the clock on the wall, “God, it’s nearly midnight.” She put her elbows on the table and turned her attention to Elizabeth

  “What did you mean when you asked if Stevie would be alright with Marie?”

  “Oh, it’s probably nothing, shock I expect, people say things when they’re in shock don’t they?”

  “Shock, what do you mean?”

  “Well it was just after I told her, you know what had happened today, and she just, well you saw what she was like when you got here and I said Stevie’s name because Stevie was standing there and I was trying to keep control of the situation and Marie said, “Fuck her” Elizabeth mouthed the words and looked sheepish.

  Peter looked over his shoulder at Beth, who was sitting bolt upright and wide eyed. “What else did she say?”

  “Nothing, just ‘fuck Stevie’, I think she said it twice I can’t really remember, I just thought it was an awful thing to say and Stevie must have heard it.” Elizabeth sighed deeply. “Probably just shock eh?” She looked to Beth and over to Peter who both nodded in mock agreement.

  They talked through the night while Adam and Stevie slept top and tail on the sofa. By five thirty the rising sun threw a ray of light across the kitchen and birds began to sing in the new day. By six o’clock there came the sound of movement from upstairs and Beth got up and checked on the sleeping children, she readjusted the blanket that covered them and brushed hair away from Stevie’s warm and sleepy face.

  Marie entered the room and looked straight at Beth, her face slightly swollen and bruised, there was a moments silence before Beth stood upright and spoke, “ Marie, I’m so sorry about William, if there’s anything we can do..” Her voice trailed off.

  “Me and Stevie need to be alone, I’ve got things to sort out.” There was an air of eerie calmness about her which made Beth feel extremely uncomfortable.

  “Of course, but if there’s anything you need.” Beth could see Stevie stirring and started to walk towards the kitchen, wanting to keep the conversation away from her and Adam.

  “Anything I need?” Marie’s eyes were dark and her voice trembled, “Oh ok, lovely, well I need my husband back can you sort that out for me?” Her voice began to rise and Beth put an arm out to guide her into the kitchen, Peter and Elizabeth were now standing in the doorway, “Don’t fucking touch me, come on, you said if there’s anything I need, well that’s what I need, so what are you going to do, magic him back to me?” Marie squinted at Elizabeth, “All have a good gossip last night did you, all discussed my tragic loss, poor Marie all on her own, husband dead and all, widow, poor little widow.” She leant across the coffee table and snatched up her cigarettes. Peter and Elizabeth stepped aside as she walked between them into the kitchen, Elizabeth turned around, “Marie, it wasn’t like that, we stayed here to look after the children and make sure you were ok.”

  “What happened?” Marie lit her cigarette and stared out of the window.

  “What do you mean?”

  “What do I mean? I mean what happened, my husband’s dead and I want to know how that happened, how, when, why, everything, come on, surely I have the right to know that don’t I?” She continued staring and Elizabeth noticed her flick her ash onto the floor.

  “I’m not exactly sure, I think we should get the children out of the way and then discuss it, maybe have a cup of tea eh?”

  “Oh you do, do you, oh well yes let’s have a fucking cup of tea and sit down all civil and discuss how my husband died yesterday, that sounds fucking lovely.” She slammed her hand on the work top and spun around, her face full of pure anger, “Tell me now, tell me now you fucking bitch, look at you all fucking smug, where’s his body I want to see him!”

  Peter stepped forward, Adam and Stevie were sitting up listening, Beth put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed past him to stand directly in front of Marie, who slowly turned her attention away from Elizabeth who could feel her face flush red and her eyes well up.

  “Marie, none of us can comprehend what you must be going through, but Stevie can hear you and she’s suffering too, please let Peter take the children to my house and then we’ll sit and talk, for as long as you need to.” Beth took a deep breath.

  “I’ve got a better plan, why don’t you all fuck off out of my house and leave me alone.” Marie flicked her ash towards Beth and smiled.

  Beth resisted the urge to slap her face “Ok, if that’s what you need, then we’ll go, we’ll take Stevie with us, give you some time.”

  ‘Stevie’s staying here with me, now I want you all to go.” Marie took a deep drag of her cigarette and blew the smoke into Beth’s face. Beth waved the smoke away “Ok, we’ll go.” She turned and made her way past Peter, “Adam, we’re going home darling, come and get your things there’s a good boy.” Beth knelt down next to Stevie and rested her hands gently on the little girl’s knees, “ Stevie, if you need me, you ring me ok?” Beth’s heart ached at the thought of leaving Stevie there with her mother and suppressed the urge to scoop
her up and take her home.

  Stevie nodded and Beth wrapped her arms around her, “Just call me, you know our phone number off by heart don’t you?” She dropped her voice to a whisper.

  “Yes, is Adam going home too?” Stevie whispered back.

  “For now, but you can see him whenever you want, your mum just needs some time to sort things out.” Beth squeezed Stevie tightly.

  Marie thundered into the room and stood there with her hands on her hips. “That’s enough, Stevie go and get washed please and brush your hair.”

  Beth stood up and faced Stevie again, “I’ll call by later, see how you are.”

  “No thank you, I don’t want you round here sticking your nose in, we’ll be fine.” Marie leant around her and pulled Stevie up from the sofa, “Go and get washed.” Stevie did as she was told and turned once to look at Beth before she made her way upstairs.

  Elizabeth went to put her coat on but was stopped in her tracks, “Where are you going?” Marie shook her head, “You’re staying to tell me what happened, you can’t leave me here not knowing what’s happened, Jesus Christ, if it was your husband wouldn’t you want to know?” Marie touched her own face as she spoke, sarcasm spilled out with every word, “My fucking face is killing me, bet that was entertaining for you.” Her face was twisted with bitterness and Elizabeth was filled with dread at the thought of having to stay. Marie continued ranting “I’ll put the kettle on, shall I, make us a nice cuppa, that’s the answer to everything isn’t it, a cup of tea, you see it all the time don’t you, someone dies, have a cup of tea, funeral, have a cup of tea, world fucking war, have a cup of tea.” She shook her head again and walked into the kitchen, mumbling to herself.

  “Are you going to be alright?” Beth asked Elizabeth who had a look of horror on her face. Beth quickly scribbled their phone number down and pushed it into Elizabeth’s hand “Call us if you need to.”

  “I will, thanks for everything.” She dropped her head and walked slowly towards the kitchen without looking back.

  CHAPTER TWENTY ONE

  Catherine pushed open her bedroom window, her eyes taking in the fiery red sky, “Red sky in the morning, shepherd’s warning.” She said aloud. She mentally planned her day, shower, breakfast and then go grocery shopping. An hour later she was pulling into the car park of the local supermarket, she drove round twice trying to find a parking space, and then finally she spotted a car reversing out of a space, she quickly positioned herself ready to drive straight into the spot. As she was about to take up the space, she noticed an elderly couple drive up and without even noticing her, drove straight into it. She took a deep breath and watched them get out, she flicked off her indicator and looked around, just then the elderly man spotted her and put his arm up, pointing at his own car.

  “Don’t worry, it’s fine, I’ll park somewhere else.” Catherine had wound her window down as he walked towards her.

  “I’m sorry were you waiting to get in there?” He had glassy eyes and smelled of toast.

  “Yes, but don’t worry, there’s plenty of other spaces, really it’s fine.” Catherine smiled up at him.

  “I can move if you like, no problem.” He looked over at his wife who was clutching what appeared to be the smallest dog in the world, Catherine noticed a nodding dog on the back shelf and smiled to herself that there was no doubt a blanket on the back seat of the old man’s immaculate car and a packet of mints in the glove compartment along with an old out of date road map.

  “No really, you’re fine, I’ll find somewhere else.”

  “If you’re sure, I really don’t mind I didn’t even see you I’m terribly sorry.” His glassy eyes watered and he wiped them with a handkerchief before blowing his nose.

  “Please don’t apologise, no harm done.” Catherine put her car in reverse and continued with her search.

  Catherine’s trolley had a mind all of its own, one wheel span out of control without touching the floor and another clicked loudly, the noise getting louder the faster she went, then without warning it would pull to the right and Catherine had to pull it back sharply to avoid careering into innocent shoppers. She decided to persevere with it and steered her way around gingerly.

  CHAPTER TWENTY TWO

  Marie inhaled deeply on her cigarette, rolling the tip around the edge of the ashtray, she blew smoke out of the corner of her mouth, “You can go now.”

  Elizabeth looked up, surprised and relieved at the sudden reprieve, the last six hours had left her feeling drained, emotionally and physically, she had faced questions she simply couldn’t answer, endured endless silences, had allowed tear after tear to dry on her face and had listened as Marie had gone over and over the fact that Will was gone and what she had lost. Over and over the same questions, why her husband? Why not someone else’s husband? Someone older, a bad man, another man. Elizabeth had listened and realised that not once did Marie mention Stevie, not once. Stevie, sitting on the stairs, had heard every word.

  CHAPTER TWENTY THREE

  Peter crept up the stairs pausing momentarily on the landing before peering around Adam’s bedroom door. Beth had wrapped herself protectively around him and Peter watched them sleeping. He let himself wonder for a moment what they would do without him; what if something happened that took him away from his little family. As he thought, his chest tightened and he eased himself slowly down to the floor, positioning himself under the window, his knees tucked in front of him. Adam had made him so proud the night before, his brave son, so strong, so grown up.

  A moment passed and then an hour, Peter studied the scene before him, his beautiful wife sleeping soundly, her arm now draped across Adam, the house silent. Peter’s eyes moved around Adam’s room, he remembered getting this room ready for Adam’s arrival, Beth changing her mind on the paint colour about a million times, choosing the furniture, Beth checking that nothing had sharp corners in case he bumped his head, but of course he bumped his head anyway. Beth making and unmaking the bed, too many covers, not enough covers, buying a lampshade with frogs on it and then promptly throwing it in the dustbin when she decided that frogs might frighten him.

  “They’re frogs, you know, little green things that bounce around.” Peter had pointed out.

  “I know but frogs can be scary to children, I think we should get one with bears on it.” Beth suggested, standing with her arms folded, the two of them staring up at the naked light bulb. Peter smiled at her, “Bears have claws that can tear a human being apart in two…”

  “Teddy bears, with little hats on, not grizzly bears.” She smiled back, still staring at the bulb. And so teddy bears it would be.

  Peter looked at Beth’s face, shielded from the morning sun and then looked up at the lampshade that Adam had insisted on the year before, green and yellow frogs with huge webbed feet and big sticky out eyes staring back at him.

  Just then Beth woke, frowning at Peter sitting under the window and he smiled at her, nodding reassurance that he was fine, and there they stayed in silence, looking at each other remembering the long night before and knowing that the days ahead were going to be difficult. Beth wondered how long she should wait until she checked on Stevie, then realised it wasn’t a matter of how long she should wait but simply how long she could.

  CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR

  Laura skipped up the path to Stevie’s door, as she reached up for the doorbell she heard Marie shouting “What did I tell you!?”

  Laura looked around and when she was satisfied that no one was watching her, she moved closer to the door, she could hear Stevie’s voice but it was too muffled for her to hear what she was saying, Marie’s voice boomed out, “Get upstairs, I don’t want you near me!” The sound of thumping feet followed and then a crash, Laura could hear Stevie crying and then Marie screaming loudly, “My Will is dead and you want to go and fucking play, now? You want to go out now do you, well you fucking can’t, get up there, go on!” Laura heard another loud smash and quickly turned and ran back down the path and m
ade her way home.

  CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE

  Beth blew steam from her coffee and rubbed her eyes, she had managed to untangle herself from Adam without waking him.

  “Do you feel better for that sleep?” Peter rested his hand on her head for a moment.

  “Yeah, I just hope Adam sleeps for a bit longer.” She reached up and pulled Peters hand to her mouth, kissing it gently.

  “Are you hungry?” He returned the kiss and then sat down opposite her at the dining table.

  “Yeah a bit, I’ll do some lunch in a minute.” Beth sipped her coffee.

  “No you won’t, I’ll do it, you sit and relax.” He drummed his fingers on the table and blew out his cheeks, just then the telephone rang and he jumped up to answer it before it woke Adam.

  “Hello, yes it is.” Peter looked over at Beth who mouthed “Who is it?” holding her coffee mug in both hands.

  “Yes Rose, I’m afraid so, we were over there last night..” Peter’s expression changed and Beth walked over to him, “Maybe we should go over there, no, no it’s alright, we’ll go, you couldn’t come over here and watch Adam could you, he’s asleep and I don’t really want to wake him, ok thanks see you in a bit.” Peter replaced the receiver and sighed, “Laura went round to Stevie’s and could hear shouting and things being broken, she heard Marie say that Will was dead and something about Stevie wanting to go out and play, she was swearing, she could hear Stevie crying.” He ran his fingers through his hair and scratched his chin, “Rose is coming to watch Adam.”

  Beth leant back against the sofa “I knew this would happen, honestly Peter she’ll bloody hurt that child.” Beth’s face was etched with worry and Peter looked at her, she seemed to have aged overnight, “She’s grieving Beth.”

  “She’s a bloody nutcase, I mean look at what Elizabeth told us, the way she said ‘fuck Stevie’ what the hell’s that all about, my God you’d think she’d want to comfort her not curse her, there’s something very wrong with that woman.” Beth shook her head.