To Catch a Butterfly Page 6

“I don’t like beetroot.” The words tumbled out before Stevie thought about it.

  “Okay.” Marie smiled “Go and wash your hands, there’s a good girl.”

  Stevie looked warily at her mother as she went to go upstairs to wash her hands. Stevie knew her mother’s good mood would not last. It never did.

  After lunch, Stevie was helping Marie clear the table when the doorbell rang, “I’ll get it.” Marie turned to walk out of the kitchen “Here you go.” She tossed Stevie a tea towel.

  Marie opened the front door to find Harry Palmer’s wife, Elizabeth standing there; she stared at Marie, her eyes full of tears.

  “Elizabeth, what on earth’s the matter?’

  “May I come in?” Elizabeth’s voice was quiet and broken.

  “Yes of course.” Marie stepped back, holding the front door open for Elizabeth to enter.

  “Is Stevie home?” Elizabeth remained in the hallway, hesitant, shaking.

  “She’s in the kitchen.” Marie answered slowly, looking at Elizabeth’s hands which were clenched together in front of her chest. She closed the front door.

  Elizabeth took Marie’s hands in hers.

  “Elizabeth, what on earth is wrong?” Marie searched her face.

  “Harry asked me to come, I’m so sorry.” Her voice broke and she swallowed hard, choking on her tears,

  Marie’s face turned to horror, “Oh God, Oh God what’s happened?” Marie felt her legs weaken beneath her.

  “Will had an accident on the site this morning, I’m so sorry Marie..” Elizabeth began to sob, deep choking sobs.

  “What kind of accident, where is he, is he in hospital, oh please tell me he’s alright, oh God Elizabeth please I beg you, please..” Marie’s voice was desperate, she pulled Elizabeth’s face towards hers, “Tell me he’s alright.” Marie could feel her whole body shaking.

  “Marie, he’s gone, I’m so sorry, he’s gone.” Elizabeth’s words were mouthed rather than spoken, she simply could not speak.

  Marie fell to her knees, her mouth open, she let out a pitiful cry, a wailing that brought Stevie running from the kitchen.

  “Mum?” Stevie looked down at her mother in horror, she was pulling at her own hair, ripping it from her head in clumps.

  “Oh Marie please.” Elizabeth bent down and held Marie’s face in her hands, preventing her momentarily from harming herself, “Stevie’s watching.” She whispered close to Marie’s ear, trying desperately to bring Marie to her senses.

  “Fuck her fuck her!” Marie screamed long and loud, “I don’t fucking care, fuck Stevie!” She grabbed Elizabeth’s hands and pulled them away from her, then began hitting herself in the face “Fuck off!” Her wailing continued relentlessly and Elizabeth looked at Stevie, quickly she stepped over Marie and pulled Stevie into the front room.

  “What’s wrong with her, what’s she doing, what’s wrong?” Stevie looked over her shoulder at her mother, and started to cry, she looked from Elizabeth back to Marie, confused and frightened.

  “Stevie, come into the other room with me, please, there’s a good girl.” Elizabeth pulled Stevie away, “Why is she doing that?” Stevie started to sob, “What’s happening?”

  Marie’s wailing continued, loud and moaning.

  Elizabeth could not deal with them both, so tried to concentrate on Stevie, she could not let her see her mother in this way, out of control.

  Suddenly Beth Daniels’ face appeared at the front room window, “Stevie, Marie, it’s Beth, are you alright?”

  “Who’s that?” Elizabeth asked Stevie.

  “Adam’s mum.” Stevie stood motionless, staring at the scene of her mother in the hallway.

  Elizabeth reached over Marie and forced the front door open, pushing Marie’s legs out of the way, Elizabeth had no idea who Adam was, or his mother, but she knew that right now she needed someone, anyone to help her deal with this hideous situation. She managed to open the door enough for Beth to squeeze inside the hallway “What the hell’s going on?” Beth looked down at Marie in disbelief, “Marie?” She bent down, shocked at the sight before her.

  “My Will, he’s dead, he’s dead, he’s dead!” Marie screamed and began hitting herself in the head, hard meaningful punches. Beth grabbed her arms “Marie please, come on let’s go in the other room.” Beth looked up and saw the look on Stevie's face, she looked past her to Elizabeth who was trying to shield Stevie's face away, Marie pulled away from Beth’s grasp, “Get the fuck away from me, all of you, get the fuck out of my house, oh God, Will, oh God!”

  Beth stood up and made her way over to Stevie, “What’s she saying, why is she saying my dad’s dead, he’s coming home for the weekend Mrs Daniels, he told her he was coming home to see us and it was a surprise.” Stevie sobbed, and Beth pulled her close, holding her as tight as she could. Beth looked at Elizabeth who seemed to be lost in the whole situation, dazed by the whole scene that was unfolding. “What happened?” Beth asked quietly.

  Elizabeth stared at her as if she hadn’t understood the question. “Sorry?” She asked, her head spinning, she suddenly felt that she was going to be sick.

  “Will, what happened to Will?” Beth asked, then immediately realised that she should wait, the little frightened bundle in her arms was shaking and Beth kneeled down to her, “Stevie, will you do something for me, can you go and get a glass of water, please, there’s my girl.” Beth wiped tears from Stevie's face.

  “I don’t want to, I want my dad, I want him to come home like he said, please Mrs Daniels.” Stevie looked into Beth’s eyes, “Please.”

  Beth began to cry, openly, this little girl, begging her for something she couldn’t give “Stevie, I’m so sorry angel, I’m so sorry, but I need you to be strong, please be strong for me.” Beth quickly wiped her face “Please get me a glass of water.”

  Beth watched as Stevie turned and walked slowly to the kitchen.

  “What happened?” She whispered to Elizabeth.

  “There was an accident at the site, Will was killed this morning.” Elizabeth’s eyes remained on Marie, Beth’s watched the kitchen door, she heard Stevie turn on the tap. “I’m sorry, I don’t even know who you are, I’m Beth, Stevie’s friend Adam’s mum.”

  “I’m Elizabeth, Will’s boss’s wife.” The two women looked at each other, having never before met but now stood two feet apart in the middle of this wretched situation, both wondering what the hell to do next.

  A gentle knock on the front door made them both turn around, Beth stepped over to the window and peered out, stood, heads bowed, were two police officers, a young woman and an older man. Beth looked at Elizabeth, “It’s the police.” She said quietly.

  After managing to sit Marie up, Beth answered the door as Elizabeth sat on the stairs, trying to comfort Marie. Each time she held out her hand, Marie smacked it away.

  “Yes?” Beth looked at the two officers, pulling the door closed behind her.

  “Hello, are you Marie Buchanan?” The female asked, her voice soft, her tone softer.

  “No, I’m not, she’s inside, she’s just been given some bad news…” Beth explained.

  “Who the fuck is that!?” Marie’s voice shook through the front door.

  The officers looked at the door and back to Beth.

  “She’s very upset.” Beth whispered.

  Marie began thumping on the door, “Fuck off, whoever you are, fuck off!”

  “She’ll be alright, she’s got us here, me and a family friend.” Beth looked at the young female constable. “Is that why you’re here, to give her the news about Will, her husband?”

  “Yes, I take it she’s aware that he was killed earlier today in an industrial accident in London?” The young P.C looked sympathetically at Beth.

  “Yes she is.”

  The sound of Marie’s cries began to get louder.

  “Is there anything we can do, anyone we can call?” The young P.C nervously took out her pocket note book.

  “I don’t think so, I expect
Marie will want to do that, I’m not really sure.” Beth looked back at the door.

  “Can I just take your name?”

  “Yes of course, I’m Beth Daniels, I’m a friend, well our children know each other, do you need to speak to Marie at all, I’m just a bit worried that if she sees you it might upset her more.”

  “No, that’s ok, as long as you’ll be alright. Look, I’ll leave our details, if you need anything, just call, we can always come back.”

  “Thank you, that’s nice to know.”

  Adam was dropping flakes into the fish tank when the telephone rang

  “Hello?” He answered sniffing his fingers

  “Adam, it’s mummy, is daddy there?”

  “He’s in the shower, mum he said we can have..”

  “Adam, sorry darling, can you go and get daddy tell him to come to the phone?” Beth interrupted.

  “Ok.” Adam set the receiver down and jumped up the stairs.

  “Dad, mum’s on the phone she wants you!” he called from the landing as Peter came out of the bathroom, hair dripping, bath towel secured around his waist, “Ok.” Peter made his way downstairs followed by Adam who was carefully placing his feet into Peter’s wet footprints left on the carpet.

  Peter picked the receiver up, sweeping a hand over his hair “Hi honey.”

  Beth’s voice fell to a whisper as she told him what had happened, she had called Doctor Knowles who had cleaned Marie up and had finally persuaded Marie to take a sedative after being told to go and fuck herself four times. The doctor was with Stevie now.

  “Jesus.” Peter leant back on the sofa, “Is there anything I can do?” He could see Adam out of the corner of his eye, loitering, curious of the conversation.

  “No, I don’t think so, I don’t know, no, I just, I don’t know what time I’ll be home, I’m really worried about Stevie.” Beth sighed heavily and Peter squeezed the receiver tightly.

  “I’d better go, the doctor’s finished.” Beth sighed again.

  “Alright darling, ring me if you need anything at all, promise?”

  “Promise.” Beth replied, “Peter, don’t tell Adam yet.” Beth knew that Adam would want to see Stevie.

  “Ok.” Peter forced a smile at Adam “Bye darling.” He set the phone down.

  “What’s wrong, Stevie's mum said she was sick, is she sick?” Adam asked quickly.

  “No, no Stevie's fine, I promise she’s not sick.”

  Adam sat down on the sofa while Peter quickly dressed upstairs, “What do you want for tea?” He called down, wondering how he was going to avoid the inevitable conversation. He made his way downstairs slowly.

  “I’m not hungry, can I go and see Stevie dad, is that where mum is?” Adam looked at him as he entered the room.

  “Yes, she is, but you have to eat son, come on let’s sort some tea out shall we?” Peter started to walk into the kitchen.

  “Can I go and see Stevie please?” Adam persisted and Peter made a conscious decision. He sat next to Adam on the sofa, his mind swimming with opening lines, his heart heavy, “Ok.” Peter took a deep breath and looked into Adam’s eyes, and very slowly and very carefully he told Adam what had happened.

  “I’m her best friend, can we go and see her dad?”

  Adam’s voice grew quiet as he thought about Stevie, while his dad explained that now wasn’t the best time and Stevie would see him when things had quietened down. Adam whispered, as though Stevie was in the room and he didn’t want her to hear “But she’s my best friend.”

  Elizabeth Palmer crept quietly down the stairs, laying a steadying hand on the banister; she had stayed at Marie’s bedside until the sedative kicked in and then left her to sleep.

  Beth was on the sofa with Stevie cradled in her arms, her hand gently stroking Stevie's hair, she looked up as Elizabeth reached the bottom stair and for a moment they held each others gaze, both exhausted, neither knowing quite what to do next, but welcoming the silence in the house.

  Elizabeth eased herself into the armchair opposite Beth, mouthing “Is she asleep?”

  Beth answered with a slow and deliberate nod, Elizabeth looked at her watch, ten past ten, she looked at Beth and again mouthed her question, “What time do you have to go?” Praying that Beth would stay.

  “I’ll stay here tonight, you?” Beth whispered, readjusting her arm in an attempt to ease the pins and needles in her hand.

  “I’ll stay too.” Elizabeth whispered back, looking at the telephone cable and wondering if it would reach the kitchen, she wanted to ring Harry out of Stevie's earshot.

  Beth watched her and had the same thought, she really should call Peter. She craned her neck to look at Stevie, “Stevie?” Her voice gentle, “Wake up sweet heart.” Stevie opened her eyes and slowly sat up.

  “Elizabeth and I have to make a couple of calls, do you want to sleep on the sofa tonight, we’ll stay with you.”

  Stevie nodded staring at the floor “Is my mum alright?”

  “She’s sleeping, you should try and get some sleep too, I’ll fetch you a blanket.” Beth started to get up.

  “Is Adam in bed?” Stevie looked up at Beth who immediately knew what was coming next and sat back down.

  “I don’t know.” She frowned slightly and rubbed Stevie's arm.

  “If he’s awake can he come and stay the night?” Big tears began to form in Stevie's tired eyes.

  Beth felt torn between keeping Adam away from this miserable house and realising that Stevie wanted him there to comfort her, no one else, just Adam.

  “Of course he can, I’ll go and ring him now.” Beth smiled a half smile and stood up, allowing her own tears to fall down her face. She couldn’t bear to see Stevie like this, she looked desolate, alone and frightened. Beth thought about her living here with Marie, just the two of them now and her heart sunk, this little girl loved her father so much and now he was gone, Beth wanted to pick her up and carry her to her own house, keep her safe, love her like her own and never let anyone hurt her.

  “Hello?” Peter answered the phone quickly.

  “Hello darling.” Beth had pulled the phone as far into the kitchen as she could, “Is Adam asleep?”

  “No, he’s still up, Beth, I had to tell him what’s happened, he was..”

  “It’s alright, Stevie wants to see him.” Beth suddenly doubted her decision to allow Adam to come over, what if Marie woke up…

  “Adam wants to see her too, shall I bring him over?” Peter could see Adam heading for the hallway to collect his trainers and coat and Beth could sense the same nugget of doubt in Peter’s voice.

  “She’s asking for him, Elizabeth and I will have to stay tonight anyway, I’m just so worried that Marie will wake up, Peter it was so awful.”

  “I’ll fetch him over; do you need me to bring anything darling?”

  “Just you, I just need you.” Beth gripped the receiver tightly “I love you so much.”

  “I love you too. We won’t be long” Peter waited until Beth put the phone down before he did the same, and then turned to find Adam dressed, coat and trainers on waiting and ready to go.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  Sleep had escaped Catherine, she pulled back the duvet and swung her legs out of bed, she stood up and took gentle steps over to her bedroom window as if the slightest sound would wake someone sleeping in the room. A bright moon threw a blue light over her back garden, she felt an uneasiness creep over her. She made her way into the next room and looked out over the cemetery; she took in the view that stretched out so serenely before her, angels on graves. She put her hand against the window, feeling her heart quicken. She took an exaggerated breath in an attempt to calm herself and closed her eyes. She decided that she would resign to a medicinal glass of gin and went downstairs, knowing that she probably wouldn’t sleep she selected a book from the ‘book box’ which sat unpacked in her front room and settled down, ready to push on through until dawn.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  Peter tapped gentl
y on the front door and Elizabeth got up to answer it.

  “Hello, come in.” She looked down at Adam who was frowning, his little face etched with worry, he stepped into the hallway, wiped his feet and made his way into the front room.

  Peter took Elizabeth’s hand, “Hello, you must be Elizabeth, I’m Peter, Beth’s husband.”

  “Please do come in.” Elizabeth gestured to Peter to enter and closed the door behind him.

  Stevie got up from the sofa and met Adam in the middle of the room, her eyes again filling with stinging tears, her mouth closed she breathed deeply through her nose, trying hard to stop herself from crying. They stood for a moment looking at each other before Stevie spoke, “My dad’s died.”

  Adam remained silent, then together they sat on the sofa, Adam held her hand as she wept. He put both arms around her and pressed his face next to hers “It’s gonna be alright Stevie.” He could feel her tears on his face.

  Peter looked at Beth, who now had both hands to her mouth, desperately trying to control her emotions, the sight of her little boy holding Stevie tightly while she cried was almost too much for her, Peter wrapped his arms around her and kissed her forehead. Elizabeth bit her lip and made her way upstairs, when she reached the bathroom she sat on the edge of the bath, pulled a towel to her face and sobbed, she could feel an ache in her chest and her head was thumping. When she had spoken to Harry earlier she had somehow managed to sound calm but she could hear his voice shaking and there had been moments of silence when she had wanted to ask him to come home. She felt terribly alone, lost and completely overwhelmed. She had known loss before and the feelings that follow, Harry and her had dealt with their own tragedy when they lost their only daughter some years before, Elizabeth remembered the feeling then of simply wanting to close the door, turn out the lights and sit silently until death came, because to live on afterwards had seemed so wrong, unjustified somehow, how could it be that she would be alive while her beautiful girl lay in the ground. None of it had made sense.